10 Tips for Keeping the Marriage Spark Strong When You are Have Stress ~ Soulmate Workmate

Nowadays it seems like everyone has at least a little bit of stress in their lives. Some more than others. Everyone seems to have at least one issue that is causing some stress in their lives. I’m not sure it’s possible not to. If you know of a way, let me know!

Since owning our own business, we have discovered stress on a new level – nothing like being responsible for other people receiving their paycheck! There always seems to be countless decisions that need to be made, ways things need to be improved, or things that could do wrong.

At first, this stress what a little bit of a shock – at least for me. I’d never been in the position to have to make some of these tough decisions or worry about situations that were about to get ugly. Our lives had drastically changed – we were exhausted and focused on just getting through one day at a time.

During this time, the last thing we had time for was a date night or long stretches of time to sit and talk. Here are 10 ways we discovered to help keep the spark alive in our marriage during a stressful season of our lives.

1. Text each other during the day

Michael and I text each other a lot during the day. They aren’t long or drawn out texts. Just a quick, catch-me-up on how our day is going. Or a “I Love You.” Or “I Miss You.” Texting has been a great way for us to stay in touch with each other during the day without it taking a lot of time. When we see each other in the evenings, we already have a pretty good idea of how the day went for the other person. This obviously doesn’t happen every day, but for the most part this is our routine.

2. Give each other a long hug

When I am stressed or emotional or tired there is no place more comforting than to have Michael’s arms wrapped around me. There is something comforting and reassuring when we hug. Hold each other and let your spouse know that you love them and are there for them.

3. Go to bed at the same time

This is something that we have always tried to do. Conversations often happen when we are in bed getting ready to go to sleep and aren’t distracted by other things. Even if it is only a 5-10 minute conversation, it’s a chance for us to catch up and pray with each other before going to sleep.

4. Share your emotions and be each other’s biggest cheerleader

When I am stressed, it can take me a bit to recognize it and my natural reaction is to try to process it myself instead of sharing it with Michael. I have found that I will spend hours (or days or weeks) mulling something over in my head or worrying about something. And then when I voice it out loud to Michael, it suddenly doesn’t seem to be as big of a deal as I thought it was. And then I wonder why I wasted all that time worrying. Be open, honest and vulnerable with each other.

And when your spouse is vulnerable with you, be aware of it and treasure it. We have the opportunity to either be our spouse’s biggest cheerleader or their biggest discourager. Listen. Comfort. Encourage. Be careful not to dash your spouse’s dreams or crush their heart.

5. Take advantage of small conversations

It may be tricky to find time to connect and have a conversation – especially if you have young kids. But communication is SO key to having a healthy and thriving marriage. It can be hard to want to connect with your spouse when you are stressed – often it’s the last thing I want to do….I’m tired and just want to be left alone. But talking with Michael usually encourages, motivates, and energizes me.

Try to be creative and find small pockets of time to share with each other. We always try and spend a few minutes catching up when Michael gets home from the office. We often go for walks in the evening…kids are contained, we get exercise, and we get to talk all at the same time.

And make sure the electronic devices are put down when you are talking. Nothing makes me want to clam up faster than talking to someone who is staring at a screen….I think most people probably would agree with this. Really try to focus on your spouse and take advantage of the short amount of time you have together.

6. Make time for sex

We have found (and I think most thriving married couples would agree) that intimacy is key to a healthy marriage. When we are tired and stressed, sex often gets pushed to the bottom of our list. It can feel more a like a item on your “to do” list than something you want to do. But being intimate is so important. Even if you have to schedule it (which is no one’s favorite thing to do), make time for regular sex.

7. Laugh together

Laughing together is definitely a way that gives us a boost of energy to keep moving forward. Try to stay focused on the positives and look for the humor in situations. Take a look at life from a different angle. Step back and see the big picture. Share humorous stories with each other. Be willing to laugh at yourself and stupid mistakes that you have made.

8. Take care of yourself

It’s important not to ignore taking care of yourself. If you are tired and worn down, you aren’t going to have anything to give to anyone else. Find out what energizes you. If you don’t know what energizes you, start by asking this question: If you had an unexpected free day, how would you fill the day?

It’s so easy to put ourselves last – especially if you are a mom. There are so many things demanding our attention that it can be very difficult to find any time for ourselves. But it is crucial that we take care of ourselves. If you feel burned out and overwhelmed, you aren’t going to have anything left to give your spouse. Exercise and eating well is key when things get stressful.

9. Find something relaxing you both like to do

While there is absolutely nothing wrong with doing relaxing and leisurely activities by yourself, I think it’s good to find something that you and your spouse enjoying doing together that is relaxing for you both. It gives you time to connect (even if the activity doesn’t involve talking) while you aren’t stressing. Maybe it’s playing a sport together. Maybe it’s going for a bike ride. Maybe it’s going to a coffee shop for a cup of coffee.

Two of our favorite relaxing things to do are going for a walk or watching a tv show together. Find something that you both enjoy doing and that is relaxing for both of you.

10. Recognize when you are taking your stress out on your spouse

There has been many times when I have snapped at Michael or started an argument about something stupid only to realized later that I did it just because I was stressed about something else and I was taking it out on him. It can be so hard in the moment to stop and realize when stress from other situations is impacting your interactions with others. See if you can recognize when you are starting to feel stressed and try to figure out a way to relieve that stress without taking it out on your loved ones.

So there you have it – 10 tips for helping keep your marriage spark strong when you are stressed.
What would you add to this list? We would love to hear what you have learned and what helps you!